S.A.D

I'm suffering with SAD, seasonal something disorder- Seasonal anxiety disorder is it? My head is like a sieve these days. I have just this minute looked it up got to this blog and Boom! it has gone out of my head. Or maybe its dementia. Whatever it is it is contributing to my SAD. I have no energy, my sense of humour is disappearing, my cats are getting on my nerves.  I can't seem to shake it off- Maybe its the menopause. Oh No I've done that! Every time I go into my 'studio' to do some painting I never get round to actually paining and end up reading all the papers on line (adding to feelings of morbidity) . I was looking forward to an interview but that got postponed due to the snow.
I looked it up and at S.A.D .com there is a test to determine if you have S.A.D- but don't give out your email because they are trying to sell you S.A.D lights-
I think I really need one, but they cost around £100. I'm tired all the time, I have no energy.
Someone once told me that if you are feeling negative, do something positive- It works, that is if you have enough energy to actual get out of your hubris and actually go do something. I decided to go to the supermarket to get a cauliflower and creme fresh (?) fraise (?) to make a Jamie Oliver cauli/macaroni cheese recipe. I pull on my cute red boots with the grey fur, pop on my woolly hat and Parker and scarf, I was going to walk for some fresh air. As soon as I get out of the door I  change my mind to drive as it seems too much of an effort. As I'm driving the 500 yards to the store, I remembered how tired I was. The side roads were caked in snow and slippy, there was a mist descending. I can't believe how stupid I must be to risk life and limb on the road just to get a cauli and some spuds.
Back home I decide to have a delicious veg curry I had made and frozen, for my lunch. it wasn't as delicious as I had remembered. Later I carefully ventured out in the snow to pick rosemary to add to my home made brown seeded bread crumbs to put on the cauli/macaroni cheese with crispy pancetta for topping. The sauce was made with the cauli boiling water and creme fraise and garlic. cheese and onions. I cooked it on a slow heat for succulence.
Come the hour, a lovely smell emitted from the kitchen and I took out the eagerly awaited heavenly delight. What was it like? I over cooked it. The breadcrumbs were burnt, the rosemary over powering and the onions raw. there was no sauce and the whole thing tasted yukky. I think I'll let my husband do the cooking from now on. I give up.
The one thing that did cheer me up was putting out breadcrumbs for the birds. Briefly. The wood pigeon came down and - strangely for this area- a black headed gull. Chesterfield is no where near the sea. It is good to be able to vent on here- Do we have to feel happy all the time? isn't that life? a constant battle. Mine is with my weight, diabetes, sweet tooth, love of vodka. Thank God for vodka . I know I ought to pull myself together. One good way to do it is to help someone else- But I really can't be bothered.