DO YOU  HAVE TABLE MANNERS ?

Do you have table manners? I was brought up with them from a young age when families would sit round a table to eat together on a regular basis. I remember it was a pain at the time as heavy adult crockery is hard to handle for little fingers, but I'm glad I have them now.

Different cultures have different etiquette rules of course , but in good old blighty one is excepted to be polite when eating with others. It is a sign of respect for the other diners, as we are supposed to be living in a civilised society. In fact I cannot befriend you if you do not have proper table manners, and I see it as a slap in the face, if you cannot make the effort to practice them when eating with others.

When eating on your own , you can do what you like, but if you are sharing a table, it is only polite .

If you are not polite, then you are not a friend of mine. There are exceptions to the rule of course, that I have no power over, and when sharing an dining experience, I find it incredibly rude when people do not follow the proper etiquette, but have deduced, when thinking over the subject, that these people have never been taught them.

For instance, getting up and leaving the table, as soon as you have finished eating, whilst others are still munching away, without a bye -your-leave, is extremely rude. If you have to leave the table, before everyone is finished, you should excuse your self , politely.

Also when eating out for instance you eat by picking up the cutlery from the out side in. And never ever, ever, gesticulate with your knife or fork. When I see people doing this in a restaurant, indeed, I have even seen people do it on the TV on 'Blind Date' but mostly it is the younger adults. I don't think an older person would dream of doing this, unless they had been dragged up !

I sound really pompous, but in society today, where there is chaos and anxiety, sitting down to eat with friends or family, is a time of relaxation, and gives you the ability to find out about each others day, and to re establish ties. Being polite is a good ground rule.

I once went out to lunch with a group of people, who just happened to be a group of women. It was a sort of meet up group, and one new lady had joined us, and it was her first outing.

It was at a little bistro around the corner ,of where I used to live, called 'Libbys'.

In the middle of lunch, the leader of said same lunch, started a verbal battle with another member of the group and voices were raised, concluding with her slapping her hand on the table with rage. Not only did she make a show of herself in public, she made the other diners on the table and in the rest of the Bistro, very uncomfortable. How rude ! No rowing at the table ! Well she was from one of our ex colonies, so many be that kind of behaviour is acceptable where she is from, it certainly isn't here in the UK.

I think not many people know this one, even though you are provided with a butter knife for your bread roll, you should not use it to cut the roll, but break it up with your hands. It is said that if you use the butter knife (the clue is in the name) you are indicating that the roll is stale, to your hosts, which, again, is impolite.

Antiquated as it may be, the etiquette rules are there grounded in common sense, and just makes life easier if everyone follows them.

The one I can't get on with is scooping your soup from the bowl away from you, rather than towards you, as that looks greedy. I think as a rule, this one has lapsed, but I bet some people follow it still.

That is another thing, you mustn't wolf your food down, but keep in rhythm with others at the table if at all possible. I do not know how people do not at least know of these rules of etiquette, 

It is almost an impossible thing to do with my husband, as he eats very slowly due to the operation he has had to his jaw, making it difficult to do anything other. We have got used to this now, and most people allow for this if ever we eat out.

Although, he is a breaker of many other table manners. He gets up from the table when finished, not sitting, to 'let his food go gown' . Digestion is key to good health. But to be fair many people will have finished long before he has.

He throws his knife and fork onto his plate when he is finished. The majority of folk do not realise, that when eating out, if you want to rest for a bit, you lay your knife and fork at an angle, as sign to the waiter/ress that you are still in the middle of eating. When finished however, you are to place the knife and fork, together in a parallel fashion. 

I do not know if you ever notice but the waiting staff , will ask you "are you finished " before taking your plate away. I assume from this that many people do not follow this rule table manners, my husband certainly does not. I have given up trying to correct him as he simply growls at me when I mention it. When eating out there will be separate wine glasses for red or white wine.

We  mostly have wine with our evening meal, but do not bother with this as I always have Red. Sometimes we will have a white, usually fizzy, which again is in a different shaped glass. Now that is one piece of etiquette that my husband dos adhere to !

I know these days people are much more relaxed about eating together, but there again, you can be at an informal buffet, where it is OK to eat with your hands, but I feel, if someone has gone to the trouble of laying a nice table, it is only right to show appreciation, by being polite.

In other cultures , in India, for example, it is OK to tear of a piece of naan bred, or chapati, and scoop your food up in your fingers. That is why they always serve these flat breads with the meal.

In the U.S.A it is quite normal to eat with just one fork, no knife. Indeed since the burger chains arrived from over there we are encouraged to eat with our hands. I remember going to a burger joint, whose name slips my memory, when I was about 17, in London. We had a burger and a cup of tea, served in a Pyrex cup and saucer, and a Pyrex plate , complete with a knife and fork !!!! How times have changed. Pyrex is a clouded glass material very common in a cafe setting, in those days. Serving tea in a paper cup ? Never!

I have only recently learned that the Chines and Japanese find us eating their food with a knife and fork rude because it is seen as bringing a knife to the table. That is why chopsticks are provided because they would rather people eat with them. However they seem to have gone with flow, realising it can be very difficult for some diners to master the art of using chop sticks.

I try and use them as much as possible, but sometimes I have to resort to the good old fork !!!

I have a habit of cooking with a chopstick, singular, and it is surprisingly effective.

 I myself do not like those ceramic spoons with a high edge they give you to eat soup. However I have seldom find an alternative is provided.

To me , you do not have to be on your 'best behaviour' at all times, but knowing a few etiquette rules and regulations, a few of which I have mentioned here, means you can relax at the table and enjoy your meal, and let everybody else enjoy theirs too. 

That is the difference between being an adult and being a child. If you do not know or choose not to follow the rules, it shows you do not care for your fellow diners welfare and shows a couldn't care less attitude, which is not at all civilised. Whose with me on this one?

 CRASH BANG WALLOP

Crash bang wallop, my world has fell around my ears. And I cannot put a finger on why.

It could be one of many reasons, or maybe an amalgamation of a number of them.

Lets look at the year so far. As a taker of serotonin to back my faulty natural supply (my doctors has informed me is not unusual) I put my occasional spouts of depression down to horrible situations in my childhood.

I have concluded my mother (RIP) had a personality disorder. If not then she was just plain cruel. Not as bad as Sinead O'connors but coming a close 2nd. 

I don't think she ever wanted children, but used them as bait to trap men in the good old 50's, when it was still a disgrace, so you had to marry the girl.  

I do not believe it is right to speak ill of the dead, but in my mothers case it is hard not to.

She used to thump me , a lot, she would come at you with anything to hand for any slight mis demeanours, not making your bed, being untidy, which unfortunately is my default position.

Becoming a mother myself , I used to wonder  how she could be so violent with tiny children, it was just in her make up - she wasn't a very intelligent woman, but easy on the eye, to oh so many men.

Silly men.  She also was a  complete narcissist to boot as was the father. She had one female friend one, an Italian woman with children a similar ages to us 3 sisters 'Aunty Becca' we had to call her. I think she was the only woman who could put up with her, she kind of took her under her wing and we would often visit her, Her husband was an unfaithful aeroplane pilot, who was often the subject of her confiding how upset she was to mother.

Both parents loved to dress up and go 'out on the town' while the long suffering grandparents taking up the child care slack.

Last year I discovered I had an abscess after my face  became swollen up like a bright red balloon. I had left it 7 days to attend the dentist, thinking the niggling pain would go away- It didn't, getting much worse, as anyone who have experienced a tooth abscess will understand, I was shocked when it happened 7 months later. 

The new dentist I visited, explained the only way around this was to have the tooth out, or undergo route canal surgery, which I opted for. However with the pandemic throwing everyone's life on hold, it will be years before I can get that done. It is what it is, I do not have the cash to go private, but I would if I did. To compliment that, the enamel appears to have worn off my teeth, which are now stained  brown with tea, and red wine. brushing with smokers stain removal toothpaste only alleviates a little bit, making me smile conscious . It is embarrassing, but then, so is getting old. The aching joints the wrinkles, the saggy skin. I should exercise, I should do Yoga and meditation, but I don't simply through lack of motivation.

I feel trapped behind 4 walls not willing to go out. I find socialising a bore. Don't get me wrong I love talking to like minded souls and cherish those beings, but they are few and far between.

I am a people pleaser, who has lost her people pleasing skills. I constantly rage, at the state of the planet, at liars,  of whom there are many, at the TV, at the moon , as if my bubbling anger will help in any given situation. It doesn't in fact frequently makes matters worse.

But once I see the red mist descend, there is no stopping it. The funny thing is, most people will not retaliate, which is what it is designed to do. I mean to provoke and challenge. It takes a while for the anger to build up, but build up it will, to my shame. I should know better.

My husband is very kind and listens to my rants until I run out of breath. Is it inherent this fierce anger, a legacy of my birth? I would drop it off at the nearest anger recycling centre, if ever such a thing existed, in a heartbeat. It is of no use shape or form and just alienates those I care about, and just makes the situation worse.

Maybe it is my fiery Celtic heredity, they say the Celts are passionate race, but why has my passion , for anything else faded to a feint drizzle?

I have a studio and lots of virgin canvases, but I haven't painted in a year. I have a sewing machine spools of cotton and  materials, I haven't sewn any thing, apart from two masks, in 2 years. 

I love cooking, but am a keto diet now, until I lose the weight. |Maybe that is why I am such a cross patch now a days? It does make you lose your appetite .

I just feel as if I am waiting to die, and find it hard to glean any pleasure from anything. I think I have just described someone who is depressed. 

I need to pick myself up and pull myself together, only I can't.  The effort needed is too monumental.

I am in a comfortable position in my life, at last, but I am sort of scared of living. Irritated at everything.

Flies, midges, weeds, washing -up, gets my gander up. I wish I could get rid of my gander I really do.

My mother died recently, and every time someone says 'oh I'm sorry' I tell them not to worry about it, as we didn't get on anyway. What was her life for? She was a grade 'A' mega twit of a woman. and nasty with it, her favourite party trick was to deliberately get on someone's nerves.

I remember her once calling one of my nieces husbands by another name, through out a lengthy conversation, which he graciously ignored. Taking her to one side to alert her to her mistake, she pursed her lips and shrugged, "I know, but it keeps him on his toes" What ? I could not believe she was serious, but  she was.

Another time, when I was about 16, I was up visiting my sister in south London, we called in on her and had a conversation on her doorstep. It was evening time and the street lights were on. After a while  she turned to me, and asked my sister who I was. "It's me "" I exclaimed, smiling, "Me who?" came the reply. My sister had to tell her who I was. Talk about a slap in the face , crushed. Despite  not having changed since she last saw me, having long straight hair as I always did, did not jog her memory, even though I had not seen her for a year or so.

I took from that , she really would have liked me not to exist. The rot had started to set in  our relationship, which was one of a bully and her victim. I really should put these resentful feelings away but it is still raw. Being rejected ,like that, by your own mother is a bitter pill to swallow.

In fact , when she took our little sister back after famously falling out, and leaving her husband, she put her in a home, at 14.

My elder sister and I had left home by then, being  20 and 21. Luckily for her, her foster parents enjoyed having her and they got on like a house on fire.

I know I need to seek help, some talking therapy perhaps, that worked the last time. My head is so screwed up, like Churchills black dog, I will just have to hunker down and hope the brain fog and absolute feeling of worthlessness goes away. Like a great man once said "If you find your self going through something , keep going" I. n other words keep on keeping on.

My friend suggested I take myself off on a nice walk, maybe take myself out for a meal, but I could not even manage that.

Yesterday I washed up, hovered round, put a wash in and on the line, dug the garden, put plants in watered them and watched a couple of interesting things on Netflix. But today, it's crash bang wallop, back in the dolldrums, Ah Me !